The Curveball

I don’t know about you, but I am a worrier. A control freak. A micromanager. I’m a planner, a doer, and often, a perfectionist. I am working on the concept of being “good enough” rather than “perfect” and accepting ranges of what that looks like. There is nobody and nothing that is perfect. At the end of the day, most of us are trying our very best with the circumstances, abilities and limitations we have. We all have our own unique “toolbox” to approach life.   

I have to accept that I’m not going to be a “perfect parent”. That construct is a fantasy and doesn’t exist. So, I have to be content with being a “good enough” parent.  How can I accept the gift of loving my kids fully and completely – even with my countless mistakes and errors along the way?

I am definitely not a perfect wife. No matter how hard I try. So how can I accept myself as a “good enough” wife? I’m learning to humbly and lovingly apologize for my wrongs and move on while loving wholeheartedly and just doing the very best I can.

I don’t have a “perfect body”. I’m working to get to a point where I can look at myself in the mirror and be content with having a “good enough” body.  Or better yet, be proud of what my body can do, rather than proud of how it looks. 

I’m not a “perfect writer”. I’m constantly amazed by the creativity and talent that I read from others every day and often feel small in comparison. Sometimes I get insecure about whether I should really push the publish button after I’ve written a new piece. Can I learn to publish a post and accept it as just being “good enough”? 

One of the hardest parts for me with all of this, is to get the validation and acceptance that is it ok to just be “good enough” from myself – rather than anyone else. To be okay with my own flaws – even if others are not.

But I suppose that is one of the lessons on the journey of life. To always be a work in progress. There is no end-destination. There is no perfect. We should always be learning, growing and adapting. Respond to our changing circumstances and environment in a way that is just “good enough”.

How many of you can relate to this feeling: Just when we think we’ve got it all together, when finally we’ve achieved some semblance of the perfection we are longing for, when our life has reached a peaceful balance and we dare ourselves to take a breath, when we feel we are caught up, that we have everything under control, Bam! a curve ball gets thrown our way that we weren’t expecting.  Suddenly, we feel thrown right back into the chaos of having to figure it all out again. And we feel let down. We feel disappointed and anxious and stressed. We feel that if somehow we had tried harder or made different choices, we could have controlled a different outcome. 

Maybe. 

Of course, if we had made different choices the outcome would be different. But then we would be dealing with the less than perfect reality of those choices. Because no choice and no decision is ever perfect. With every fork in the road, with every big decision we make, good stuff and bad stuff comes with it. There will be struggle and there will be peace. There will be happiness, there will be sadness. There will be comfort, there will be pain. The yin and yang. The bitter and sweet. The dark and light.  

When we stop fighting the inevitable lack of perfection and embrace the journey of life in all of its imperfect glory, we can start to – dare I say – look forward to curve balls as opportunity for growth and change. It’s not “if” they are coming, it’s “when” they are coming. 

We can’t stop them. Maybe the best we can do is learn to glide with them and see where they take us. 

My blog started as an opportunity to write about my journey of running a 50-mile race. However, realistically, will I be able to run a 50-mile race with two artificial discs in my neck, at least four more significant disc bulges in my spine, not to mention the two metal plates and 14 screws in my right ankle? 

With these curve balls, will I be able to cross the finish line of the race I have been dreaming about? 

I don’t know. The old “perfectionist” me would have said, “Absolutely. Yes. I set a goal. I do not give up. I will not make an excuse. I will find a way to get it done.”

The “in progress” me, is saying – “We’ll see.” 

The “good enough” me, is saying – “Let’s find out what lies on the journey ahead – and write about it along the way.”